


Fake It Till We Make It

by cirquedusorrel



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bodyguard, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:59:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirquedusorrel/pseuds/cirquedusorrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the Chitauri Invasion, Tony needs a bodyguard (you know who doesn’t like clean energy? Oil companies) and Fury wants Clint to stop moping in his office. Tony gets a fake boyfriend and Clint gets a new mission.</p>
<p>Or the one where Clint is Tony Stark’s new fake boyfriend/secret bodyguard because Fury thinks it’s funny</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically Tony and Clint fake date so everyone doesn’t bother Pepper about Tony’s new bodyguard.

Tony blames Pepper, which Pepper feels is entirely reasonable since it’s really Tony’s fault in the grand scheme of things that go wrong solely to make Pepper wish she’d been a grade school teacher.  Because if Tony was just Ironman, if he just wore a suit then the entire energy industry wouldn’t be out for his blood. Because Stark Tower, besides needing expensive repairs just after construction had finished (her budgeting department has a Loki-themed dartboard) also represents the future of energy: efficient, clean, and Stark patented.

And he’s also Ironman.

Between every badly-dressed supervillain and the combined ire of the oil and natural gas corporations, it would take a miracle for her to be able to find a private security force capable of keeping him marginally safer.

So she calls Fury.

______________________

Fury is having the best goddamn day of his life. It’s one of those days where Dr. Doom and his bots are nowhere to be seen. Reed Richards is nowhere near his lab. Tony Stark doesn’t have his new personal phone number. Phil Coulson is back to work after his medical leave. And Pepper is his most favorite person in the world.

______________________

Of course he’s the one to break the news to Clint and by default the rest of the Avengers. Phil is sure that this is Fury’s punishment for getting stabbed and almost dying.

He’s thankful that he doesn’t have to tell Tony, if only for his blood pressure. However having to hear Captain America’s confused “What?” for the third time is hurting his inner fanboy.  He supposes ‘fake boyfriends’ wasn’t a popular ruse in the 1940s then. Natasha asks, “Can you explain that for us again?” as if she doesn’t already get it. As if she isn’t going to tease Clint about how similar this is to Seoul.

The longer the discussion goes on without any sort of reaction from Clint, the more Phil gets worried. He knows the team had been bonding while he recovered ever so slowly in Cleveland. He doesn’t know how Clint and Tony have been interacting.

Later, when he finds Clint in the gun range instead of the mess hall, he is officially concerned. Clint only ever practices with guns if he’s actually emotionally distressed. This is starting to look more like Rome than Seoul which as Clint’s superior and friend is just…

Clint and Tony have the worst dating histories of all of the Avengers. Considering the amount of paperwork he had to do about Natasha’s Russian assassin ex this dubious honour is positively frightening. And they are the two least emotionally sound. In a team with the Hulk.

He wants to call off the whole op. Natasha could play fake girlfriend/secret body guard just as well.

But judging by the ammo Clint has already gone through, it’s too late. Clint’s already attached. All Phil could do was wait this out and hope he didn’t have to put out any fires. Tony and Clint were both good men and he just wanted to protect them both.

____________________

Clint wishes Tasha would stop smirking at him for five minutes because as ridiculous as fake boyfriends was for an op (seriously, did Fury have a secret love for 90s teen movies or something) she’d done sillier covers.

So maybe Stark isn’t ugly. And maybe he can appreciate his genius when it’s applied to improving his bow or his arrows. He gets the reasoning behind the cover as boyfriends (not really). Okay no he fucking doesn’t. Couldn’t he have doubled as his valet. His butler. His whatever.

And yeah Clint is in touch with his emotions enough to admit that he’s got a crush on Stark (thank you so fucking much SHIELD psychologists).

It’s still just a crush. It would have passed in time. Most likely.

He tips his hand to Coulson when he skips dinner. Coulson just sighs at the sight of him. (well, Clint assumes. It’s actually quite hard to hear a sigh while shooting a gun)

So what if it’s slightly more than a crush. It’s Stark. He’ll just ignore the feelings until direct exposure to the source cures him.

God, Natasha could quit smirking already. This wasn’t Seoul again. He doubted this would end up with him wearing a chicken suit at a martial arts demo

___________________

Tony’s first response is actually “I’m sorry Pepper. I’ll get the paperwork done by tonight. What did Fury really say?”

His sixteenth response is just a frowny face he has JARVIS text Pepper’s phone. SHIELD won’t take his calls and while that doesn’t stop him (he leaves Coulson 8 voicemails and Fury 12 voicemails and 24 texts with increasingly complicated emoticons), it’s the most obvious sign there is nothing he can do to change this.

Not that he’s trying that hard. Maybe more just sulking that his ex-girlfriend is trying to set him up (which actually just makes it rather creepy that Fury is involved). He is absolutely not excited (Ha! Fury the matchmaker) because he is not a teenager.

He only has JARVIS make dinner reservations because he too is concerned about his safety and he really does need to sell this cover. For Pepper’s sake.

He has JARVIS change the dinner reservations 15 minutes later when he remembers how much Clint hates Greek food. He also sends another frowny face to Pepper just in case she thinks he’s stopped sulking already.


	2. Chapter 2

Clint is in the Stark Tower for two hours before he ventures to Tony’s lab. It’s totally okay too since he was with Ms. Potts and a team of PR agents for most of that time.

And it’s just that he’s not Natasha. He just isn’t that good at reading people so he doesn’t know how Stark will respond to this…mission. The interior of Stark’s tower is somewhat of a maze so he thinks it’s entirely excusable to just hideout in some lounge on the 34th floor while he figures out how he wants Tony to react to the news.

He is not there long before he hears Ms. Potts’ heels clicking down the hall towards him. When Ms. Potts appears in the doorway, Clint attempts to look confused. She just smiles, looks him in the eye (oh, so that’s where Tasha learned that) and says, “JARVIS, inform Tony that Agent Barton will be venturing down to his lab shortly to discuss the particulars of the new security arrangements.”

Clint is not annoyed. Clint is not thinking about how all redheads seem to be so good at manipulating him. No, Clint is definitely not thinking uncharitable thoughts about redheads because if Natasha finds out she will want to _spar_ him again.

Ms. Potts’ smile widens till it’s something real (the difference is surprising) and she addresses him directly, “there. Now neither of you have an excuse. Will you be needing directions to Mr. Stark’s lab?”

Clint has been to Stark Tower precisely 37 times in the last three months. All except the first three times he’d gone to Tony’s lab. Pepper is aware of this.

Clint stands up with a smile that is more of a grimace. “Am I in the wrong place then?”

Pepper is fair game though and offers him her arm like she was a gentleman from Cap’s time.

Ms. Potts’ leaves him at the door to the lab. He waits—well just for a minute or two to gather himself and he’s just getting centered (Coulson lets him and Tasha skip the mandatory SHIELD counseling if they attend a twice weekly yoga class with him) when JARVIS interrupts, “Sir, Mr. Stark has been awaiting your arrival. Perhaps it would be best to just enter.”

“Noted JARVIS.” Fuck.

When he enters the lab, Tony is bent over his main lab bench facing him. Clint waits for Tony to acknowledge him. He’ll never be as good as Tasha, but he knows Tony. He knows enough.

Tony is paranoid in ways only betrayal makes a man. Tony probably knows everyone who’s on this floor.

Tony has significantly slowed down his soldering but doesn’t stop. Clint isn’t patient enough to wait for Tony to finish playing his little mind game so he wanders over to another of his benches to poke at some scraps of metal.

_____________________

Tony is annoying Clint on purpose. It’s not so much a stalling tactic as it is a way to facilitate their conversation. He’s sure that Natasha is better at this kind of thing, but fuck that--he’s Tony Stark. Not that he’s ever managed to successfully annoy Clint.

He shuts off the soldering iron.

There’s a thousand lines he’s though of starting with but he’s Tony Stark so he says, “Hey, wanna see what I’m making?”

Clint’s head comes up from where he’d been bent over Tony’s latest attempts at clothing upgrades for Bruce (who he wants to nickname Brulk but Fury _and_ Pepper have expressly forbidden that).

“I realized earlier today that I never got Fury a birthday present which—Do you know when Fury’s birthday is?”

“Coulson knows.”

Tony only pouts at that cause he knows it makes Clint laugh sometimes.

“Coulson won’t answer my phone calls.”

And Clint really needs to laugh more.

There’s a pause. A pause where Clint should have said something witty, _like usual_. But there’s a pause and—

“Stark, we’ve gotta figure out this arrangement.”

There’s another pause; this time on him.

And he’s scrambling for the right thing to say which hasn’t been this difficult since the thing with Pepper after his expo—

“And Tony, Tasha and I have narrowed Fury down to being a Libra. Or a Gemini.” Clint’s not quite smiling at the last part but Tony can relax again. 


End file.
